Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
