five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
we made out on top of his cat.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
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