you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
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He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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