he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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