Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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