What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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