so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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