Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
