I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
