omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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