I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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