You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
