Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
