I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Can Purell be used as lube?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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