Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
