the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
