I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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