How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize