Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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