thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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