first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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