I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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