Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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