hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
