I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
