so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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