do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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