And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
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Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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