you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize