Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
