Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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