: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
