I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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