Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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