We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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