it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
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We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
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The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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