ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
