you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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