and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
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