I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
