Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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