Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
