the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
