its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
And then he peed in my hair
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