Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
