she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
