bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
pop tarts are not kleenex
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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