you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
