I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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