she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
