And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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