My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
