shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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