How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
