I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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