can we get nightvision for the apartment?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
