ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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