Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
