Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
