Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
