Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize